As we approach Valentine’s Day, I know it is always a touchy time of year for some people; especially us “single” people. We are looked at as being bitter or lonely for being single or for feeling a certain type of way about Valentine’s Day. Even being single though, I still actually like the idea of having a day out of the year where you can show your loved ones you care. With all of the hate in the world these days, I’m so glad we can have one day to focus on love and kindness and acceptance.
Side note: Why is there such a negative connotation towards being single? It’s like there’s this view that if someone is single they are less of a person than someone who is in a relationship, or are missing out on life because they are single. No human being is “better” than another human being just because they have found a significant other. I may just not be there yet, but heck, I am happier single now than I ever was with someone else, because I was never with the right person.
Which brings me to my next point, let’s talk about relationships! How we feel about ourselves and our lives defines what type of relationships and love we let in and what type of people we surround ourselves with.
There’s a saying that goes “we accept the love we think we deserve”; which, even though it is sad to admit, I have been guilty of before. I have been through times in my life where I didn’t think I deserved love or didn’t think I deserved to be treated right. That it was just the way things go, and pretty normal to feel mentally and emotionally abused. I felt that I didn’t deserve to be treated any better than I was being treated, because of my low self-confidence. Not just with my body but with myself in general. I would find myself bitter and not able to feel happy for those around me that were finding love, or getting married, or happy with their significant others, because my relationship was always “on the rocks.”
Then it hit me, I don't deserve this, but I had to be happy with myself and love myself, before someone else could make me happy. I couldn’t use my relationship as a crutch or a scale to judge how “happy” I was. It was an emotional roller coaster letting my toxic relationship define whether I was essentially happy or not. I was happy when we were doing good, and I was depressed when we were fighting or struggling. I am a firm believer that yes, the love from a significant other CAN bring you happiness, but you don’t NEED that love to be happy. Make a happy life for yourself before you bring someone else into it to make you happy. Once you are happy, confident, and love yourself, only then will you allow yourself to accept the right kind of love. Push those negative people that don't treat you right out. You don't need them, and you don't have to accept them and their actions. Now, I am able to get past that bitterness and feel happy for my friends and family that are in happy, fulfilling, & respectful relationships.
To all my single ladies out there, don’t be ashamed that you’re single on Valentine’s Day. It is not something to be looked down upon for, and there is nothing wrong with you. It just may not be your time. I see too many girls rush into relationships because of the fear of being alone, or thinking that is what will make them happy. But the truth is, they start making compromises, losing their identity, and diminishing their self-worth. Just do me a favor, and enjoy being single for a while. You will find that person out there eventually when you are least expecting it.
You deserve just as much love as the next person. Being single isn’t a “death” sentence; it’s actually an opportunity to give love to the person that’s most deserving. YOU!
Image Credit: Amanda Cantrell
Kicking off into 2017 I figured it would be a good time to start a blog. I have been asked a couple times now to create one and who knows who will actually read it, but I do have opinions, reflections, and advice for whoever is willing to listen and I actually love writing. My goal is to inspire as many people as possible with this modeling venture/platform; it is not only for my own personal growth but for those who are following my journey as well.
As we begin the new year, alot of people have resolutions or goals for the new year. Alot of them are body or health related, and I honestly hate that we put so much emphasis on things we want to change about our bodies or what others influence us to change. This week is always the most crowded at the gym and when some people begin resolutions they will have given up on by February. Sure, there are things I wish I could change about myself, my eyebrows suck, I have eczema on my face, arms & legs, scars, stretch marks, and I could afford to lose a few pounds. But I am not going to obsess over the things I don't like about my body or think that life will finally begin when all of these "flaws" are gone, fixed, or hidden. You can still live a fullfilling, happy life before those things happen, while you are in the process. If you want to workout more and eat healthier to take care of your body like I will be focusing on in 2017, do it for the health aspects and not because you are looking to change the way you look or make something smaller or bigger. You are still beautiful at any shape or size. I believe there is a difference between wanting to change yourself and wanting to improve yourself, but you also have to do it for YOU and for nobody else.
As someone who has struggled with body confidence and back and forth weight issues, various diets, & workout routines, I am finally confident in who I am in my late 20s and looking back, most of it had to do with the relationships I had in my life. At one of my most physically fit and smallest size/weight years of my adult life, I was in a very toxic relationship. I was with someone who didn't appreciate me and who made me feel like I needed to look like these girls he talked to or followed on Instagram or hung on his walls or liked on Facebook. I used to avoid going out with friends because I was afraid of going over my calories for the day, or miss spending time with my friends or family because I was spending hours in the gym every day (sometimes 2 or 3 times a day). I became an obsessed gym rat running 5 miles a day and going to 2-3 fitness classes because I thought, maybe if I lose these last 10 pounds he will love me more or things will work out. It was emotionally and mentally exhausting the things he would say and do. My happiness was determined by how well my relationship was going and how I looked to him. When I finally got to a point I was so unhappy with not only my body but myself in general, I realized it was this toxic relationship that was controlling my happiness and the way I felt about myself.
There is a saying that you should "Never put the key to your own happiness in somebody else's pocket" and I truly stand by that these days. If there is a person in your life that is bringing you down, or controlling your happiness, or how you feel about yourself SAY GOODBYE. Sometimes letting go of that negativity is the best thing you can do for yourself. So, if you have any goals or resolutions for this year in 2017, make sure that they are set for yourself and for your happiness and no one else's.
Image Credit: Lexington Boudoir