"We accept the love we think we deserve”

As we approach Valentine’s Day, I know it is always a touchy time of year for some people; especially us “single” people. We are looked at as being bitter or lonely for being single or for feeling a certain type of way about Valentine’s Day. Even being single though, I still actually like the idea of having a day out of the year where you can show your loved ones you care. With all of the hate in the world these days, I’m so glad we can have one day to focus on love and kindness and acceptance.

Side note: Why is there such a negative connotation towards being single? It’s like there’s this view that if someone is single they are less of a person than someone who is in a relationship, or are missing out on life because they are single. No human being is “better” than another human being just because they have found a significant other. I may just not be there yet, but heck, I am happier single now than I ever was with someone else, because I was never with the right person.

Which brings me to my next point, let’s talk about relationships! How we feel about ourselves and our lives defines what type of relationships and love we let in and what type of people we surround ourselves with.

There’s a saying that goes “we accept the love we think we deserve”; which, even though it is sad to admit, I have been guilty of before. I have been through times in my life where I didn’t think I deserved love or didn’t think I deserved to be treated right. That it was just the way things go, and pretty normal to feel mentally and emotionally abused. I felt that I didn’t deserve to be treated any better than I was being treated, because of my low self-confidence. Not just with my body but with myself in general. I would find myself bitter and not able to feel happy for those around me that were finding love, or getting married, or happy with their significant others, because my relationship was always “on the rocks.”

Then it hit me, I don't deserve this, but I had to be happy with myself and love myself, before someone else could make me happy. I couldn’t use my relationship as a crutch or a scale to judge how “happy” I was. It was an emotional roller coaster letting my toxic relationship define whether I was essentially happy or not. I was happy when we were doing good, and I was depressed when we were fighting or struggling. I am a firm believer that yes, the love from a significant other CAN bring you happiness, but you don’t NEED that love to be happy. Make a happy life for yourself before you bring someone else into it to make you happy.  Once you are happy, confident, and love yourself, only then will you allow yourself to accept the right kind of love. Push those negative people that don't treat you right out. You don't need them, and you don't have to accept them and their actions. Now, I am able to get past that bitterness and feel happy for my friends and family that are in happy, fulfilling, & respectful relationships.

To all my single ladies out there, don’t be ashamed that you’re single on Valentine’s Day. It is not something to be looked down upon for, and there is nothing wrong with you. It just may not be your time. I see too many girls rush into relationships because of the fear of being alone, or thinking that is what will make them happy. But the truth is, they start making compromises, losing their identity, and diminishing their self-worth. Just do me a favor, and enjoy being single for a while. You will find that person out there eventually when you are least expecting it.

You deserve just as much love as the next person. Being single isn’t a “death” sentence; it’s actually an opportunity to give love to the person that’s most deserving. YOU!

Image Credit: Amanda Cantrell